we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
