I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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