id be glad to
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
