Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
