Will you blow on my dice?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
