dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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