I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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