Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
