Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
