i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
