Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
