So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
