What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
