I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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