there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
