I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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