Buhtt sex?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
