Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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