All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
