it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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