I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
