I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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