I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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