i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
