I want you more than these girls want KFC
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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