so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize