Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
