We're facebook friends in real life
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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