i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
