No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
