He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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