I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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