Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
