I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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