I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize