And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
