No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
