Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize