i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
