haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need to sanitize my soul.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
