Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
