Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
