Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
