I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize