He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
