do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
