I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
