Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
