someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
