i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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