if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
