she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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