I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sponge bath it is.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
