Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
