girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
