just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
pop tarts are not kleenex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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