i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
