I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize