is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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