New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
