Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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