Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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