just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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