even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
