I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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