paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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