Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
