Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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